Monday, January 23, 2006

in my dreams

i've shared before that i am a visual person.

being such, i usually have vivid dreams. i remember almost every detail - what i was wearing, where i was, who was/were with me, what happened, what i said...well, you get the idea.

last night, i had one of the funniest nightmares ever.

yes, you read right. it was a nightmare, but a funny one.

how so?

well, here's what happened in my dream...

i woke up to the sound of my cellphone's alarm. as i sat up, i saw my mama frantically rummaging through my closet.

what was she doing?

in her crazy search, it seemed that she didn't even notice i was awake, staring blankly at her. soon, her head was swallowed by the sea of hanging shirts and jackets.

after several seconds of watching her, i suddenly remembered our conversation a few days ago. she casually informed me that i was going to get married. soon. she planned everything already, from the date, to the church and reception, down to the groom. i just laughed then.

i remembered today was the supposed day.

still unsure of what she was doing in my closet, i jokingly asked her, "What time is the wedding?"

"3 o'clock," was her muffled reply.

ah, i was right. i nodded in confusion. is she really trying to prove her point? wasn't it a joke?

"aah, ma, nobody knows about it yet." two can play this game, you know.

she sighed in impatience and turned to look at me.

"ma, sino yung lalake?" ("ma, who's the guy?")

"yung anak ng kaibigan ko. yung-" ("the son of my friend. the-")

"ha?!? ma, seryoso ka ba??" i exclaimed. i practically jumped out of my bed in panic. ("ha?!? ma, are you serious??")

mama had an incredulous look on her face. arms akimbo, she glared murderously at me.

before she even had a chance to retort, i added, "e sino yun?? ano itsura nya??" ("who's that?? what does he look like??") sheesh, i couldn't believe my "dream self" actually asked that question before anything else. am i that superficial??

"matangkad sya! mabait! at very generous pa!" she spat angrily ("he's tall! nice! and very generous, too!"). the fact that she answered my innocent question by describing his height and personality gave me an idea of what he looked like already.

as she went on and on about what an "amazing" guy he was, i felt myself getting paler by the second. i was getting married???? today??? to a guy that I HAVE NEVER EVEN MET???

this was insane!!

as she continued her earlier mission of searching my closet, i realized that she was actually looking for a wedding dress! IN MY CLOSET!!! do i look like somebody who has a wedding dress stashed in her room??? i mean, ok, so i've planned my wedding already. but i'm not that prepared!!

what was happening?? was i dreaming??

i distinctly remember having trouble breathing. and my room spinning. i held on to the sides of my bed.

my mama set me on a blind date...on my wedding day!!

what about all my plans?? my dreams?? my essentials???

all ruined because my mama got tired of waiting.

i didn't know what to do first - faint, scream, or run for my life.

no wait. i have a better idea. kill mama first!

i was about to scream about the injustice of it all when i suddenly opened my eyes.


i blinked. i could see the ceiling above my bed. i sat up and glanced at my closet. she's not there!!!

it was just a bad dream!

i couldn't believe it!

it was so clear, so real...i was even breathing hard and i had to sit still to wait for my heartbeat to return to normal.

knowing it was just a dream actually made the whole thing hilarious.

i knew my mama was in a state of panic over my single status but this was ridiculous!

a few days ago, i read an e-mail from rica entitled, "What's your deadline?" i remember replying that i was beyond caring about when i was going to get married and all.

never mind that i had every detail planned to a T already. never mind that i had the design of my gown carefully stored in my head. never mind that i knew which photographer to call. never mind that i know what my cake will look like (no, it's not the one in the photo). or my invitations. or my souvenirs. hahaha!

am i in denial??? nah!

i'm just organized. yeah, that's it. i like to plan ahead. i'm a planner.

of course, the only thing missing in that puzzle is the groom. well, where the heck is he anyway??

hhm. maybe i should wait for my next funny nightmare to find out. ^_^

Thursday, January 19, 2006

the show must go on

A Series of Unfortunate Events

i usually give myself a week to grieve.

after that, i mentally and emotionally coax myself to dwell on more positive things like rainbows, butterflies, and winning a trip around the world.

so when i received one tragic news after another, i knew i needed a break.

before New Year even began, i learned that our family friend and computer guy died of an asthma attack. the week after that, my
tita died. then exactly one week after her death, my HS friend's dad died of a heart attack. talk about a Grim Reaper Grand Slam.

every Sunday, for three weeks, we bade goodbye to a loved one. attending three funerals was definitely not how i envisioned the start of my new year would be.

can you blame me if i was dreading the start of this week? i really prayed that i wouldn't hear more bad news. after all, i always preferred comedies over tragedies (who wouldn't??).

so i told myself that i should spend more time amusing myself than dwelling over what happened.

Just For Laughs

when i went through my blog archive folder in my harddisk (yes, i save my know, just in case my site suddenly disappears or malfunctions. i'm really paranoid...), i saw a folder that i have yet to post.

last july, i came across this unique and hilarious website:
The Face Analyzer. this program analyzes your photo then gives you the lowdown on your personality, race, and your archetype. for some reason, though, i decided against posting it i can't really remember. well, i probably forgot about it or found it too cheesy.

but now that i was looking for something to cheer me up, well, this was just perfect. it finally reached its purpose...

i submitted two photos:

the results were astounding, actually...


81% Middle Eastern
19% Anglo Saxon

Intelligence 6.0 Average Intelligence
Risk 4.2 Low Risk
Ambition 5.8 Average Ambition
Gay Factor 1.5 Very Low Gay Factor
Honor 5.2 Average Honor
Politeness 5.3 Average Politeness
Income 6.0 $30,000 - $50,000
Sociability 5.4 Average Sociability
Promiscuity 3.3 Low Promiscuity

Personality Profile:

You particularly enjoy the traditional way of life. Having drinks with your friends, attending parties and relaxing while watching TV are some of the simple pleasures you indulge in. You may also enjoy physical exercise. Your driving force is to retire as early as possible, so that you can do the things you enjoy more often. Your main source of ambition comes from this desire.

You don't particularly like your job but you do it without complaining. You realize that the income that it provides is essential to your lifestyle. You are friendly yet competitive with your co-workers. This competitiveness may lead you to squander your earnings to match other peoples' possessions.

You operate most effectively when there is a set power structure, and the lines of authority are clear. You know your place in the ranks, you play by the rules, and will deliver what is expected of you. You do not care for responsibility; you would rather be care free.

White Collar:
-Slightly more intelligent and ambitious than the Blue collar type.
Occupation Examples: Secretary, Police Officer, Telemarketer, Computer Programmer, Office worker


51% East Indian
36% South East Asian
13% Chinese

Intelligence 6.3 Average Intelligence
Risk 4.6 Low Risk
Ambition 6.2 Average Ambition
Gay Factor 1.6 Very Low Gay Factor
Honor 5.0 Average Honor
Politeness 5.7 Average Politeness
Income 6.3 $30,000 - $50,000
Sociability 6.0 Average Sociability
Promiscuity 3.9 Low Promiscuity

Personality Profile:

You have social courage and as a consequence are open and extroverted. You are seen as a well known person who is liked and is involved in many social events. You feel confident about your position in social situations and will not hesitate to say what you believe. You do not like too much responsibility, but you do not mind being in the social center. You must know everything that is going on in your greater social circle and spend a lot of time talking to others to find out the latest gossip. You tend to be friendly, but can be criticizing when you see others as thinking of themselves too much.

You prefer to work in challenging people oriented jobs where you can compete against others and rise in the ranks. Others usually like you but can sometimes be intimidated by your outspoken comments and criticisms although they do not show it.

People tend to feel comfortable around you and respect your opinion. You can use this social weight to get things done for you but usually opt not to call in favours people owe you.

-More fun-loving than Alpha Charmer
Expected Occupations: Sales representative, Teacher, Aesthetician, Hair Stylist, Artist, Actor, Social Worker, Manager

coincidence?? probably. but they were so dead on with the expected occupations, right? the race analysis and personality description were funny, too. i always felt i had a bit of that Middle Eastern look so i wasn't surprised with the results of the race analysis. i resent that bit about average intelligence, though. haha!

i don't know what their basis for predicting a person's personality is but it probably has something to do with the shape of the eyes, the smile, mouth, shape of the face, and expression.

because i wasn't smiling in my first photo, i was the White Collar archetype. (well, it could also be the shades...)

in my second picture, i was smiling and facing the camera. ergo, the Charmer archetype.

wait. i think i might be analyzing this too much. so much for having fun. hehe.

happy weekend, everybody!

Friday, January 06, 2006

love and be loved

she was the only one i knew who always greeted me with a kiss on the lips when we were much younger. while i, proud kid that i was, would somehow frown or purse my lips at her gesture.

"Good morning!" her cheerful voice carried out to the street where we live, just right beside each other. she was really a burst of sunshine.

she was a passionate, forgiving, and affectionate woman. at times i envy how she can just toss all cares to the wind and embrace everybody and anybody into her life.

she held our families together, especially during those moments when we all wanted to kill each other from sheer frustration and anger (one of the perks of having relatives as neighbors).

although my papa is currently the head of his family, she, being his older sister, still managed to put him in his place when needed.

no matter what her current financial status was, she never failed to give us gifts on our birthdays and during Christmas. "Pasensya na sa regalo ko ha. Galing naman yan sa puso," were her favorite words of late. ("Please bear with my gifts. At least they come from the heart").

"Gelli!" for the past year, she has taken to calling me by my youngest sister's name (by mistake, of course). it was one of our favorite jokes and her only defense was that my sister and i are beginning to look alike (right).

even at the age of 56, she was still a groovy dresser, a true fashionista. she believed that a woman should always look her best.

during family gatherings, we always relied on her to keep the ball rolling. she could dance, sing, and party like crazy, just to keep all of us entertained.

she was such a shutterbug, constantly insisting that we have a group photo (hm, my papa's family is really a trigger happy bunch). how the camera loved her! she had the funniest poses and her smile always captured the viewer.

she was the life of the party.

and as i gazed at her lifeless form, i still could not believe that this quiet, unsmiling, and motionless woman was her.

i half expected her to suddenly burst out laughing and exclaim, "Gotcha!"

but she remained still.

last january 3, i got a phonecall that left me numb and dazed.

Tita Lina, our favorite aunt, was killed while crossing the street. a speeding van crashed into her, killing her on the spot. though no one from the family saw the incident, the witnesses said the collision was so strong that she was tossed to the other end of the street.

the news was so sudden. until now, it's still hard for us to really absorb what happened.

Tita Lina did everything with style. leave it to her to leave this earthly place with a bang.

the wake began yesterday. i expected a lot of people but i am still overwhelmed by the throngs of people who came to pay their respects. and that was just on the first day.

it was heart-warming to see how many people love her. i could imagine her grinning from ear to ear and joke, "O, ang ganda ko pa rin ano??" ("O, i'm still beautiful no??")

i met her high school classmates, her former officemates, her co-teachers, and acquaintances who just wanted to say good-bye. we trade stories, each ending in some fiasco that my tita did to make us laugh or cry.

as our other relatives came, i realized that this has been one of the biggest reunions for us in years. EVERYONE was there. if it wasn't a wake, we would have been partying til early morning.

we pored over photo albums that i didn't realize my tita collected, even albums of pictures from her earlier years. our poor parents were teased relentlessly, particularly during the "Flower Power" era. one of my uncles even sported long hair, complete with the white blazer and pants, and hot green shirt. for the first time in years, our families genuinely laughed together.

it was as if my tita set us up to get us all back together again. tsk, tsk, tsk, how typical of her.

while i was browsing through her HS yearbook, the captions under my tita's photo caught my eye.

goal : to be a teacher
motto: to love and be loved

and if that day was any indication of how Tita Lina has spent her life, then she has, indeed, truly lived.